FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
