Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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