i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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