Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
