I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
