dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
