What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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