i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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