We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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