You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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