would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize