She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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