If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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