Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
