would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
