living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
