Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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