made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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