Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
