I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
