where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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