well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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