shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize