God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
