Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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