living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
