You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
