I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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