I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When are your genitals available?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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