The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
