You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
