By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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