Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you have feelings for this penis?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
