I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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