That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
