i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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