you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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