I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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