remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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