just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
