I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
