No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
