Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
