Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
