Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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