i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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