Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dicks are not precious.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
