I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
