thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
