I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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