I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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