We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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