So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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