I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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