There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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