I cut my penus on the lid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
