I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize