When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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