I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pants are for mortals
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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