It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
