Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
