Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
