I'm eating all of the evidence.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
