My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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