That was an excessively violent trivia night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
