haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
