I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
