life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
