Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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