Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
