This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
