FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
