My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize
