Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
