Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
