He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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