Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
