the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
not ubering you a puppy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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