If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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