Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
