you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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