I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
