Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
