you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
