Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
