Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
